I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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