there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
