so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
