I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
