and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
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