The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
