My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize