Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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