Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
