So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
