She's JV to your varsity
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
