$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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