Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
