I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
