Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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