those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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