May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
