Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
