He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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