dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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