Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
