: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
