Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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