The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
