I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize