I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize
