When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
