so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Randomize
