I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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