Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
