We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
