it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
