Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
