Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
