so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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