dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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