toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
