look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
