Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
