I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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