girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
