I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
