its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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