if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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