her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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