she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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