Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
