She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
