It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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