How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
