I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
