yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We have started to decorate penises.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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