im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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