Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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