Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
