so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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