Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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