I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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