well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
