He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
