i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
