I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
