How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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