just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
