i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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