His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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