Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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