you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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