I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
