Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
