Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
