Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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