Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
A bitchslap is in order.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
